From some of my posts, you can easily see that I’m not always in the best mental state. I find myself spiraling into negativity and pessimism about pretty much everything with great ease. No matter how good I feel about myself at a given time, I could fall very quickly from a positive viewpoint to a negative viewpoint. My attachment to melancholy music definitely doesn’t help with these descents.
My weaknesses grow to an enormous size, hiding any of my achievements or good characteristics. The overwhelming dissatisfaction and disgust with myself is paralyzing, making me not want to do anything and only worsening how I feel about myself. I really don’t know why these crashes happen or how to prevent them. However, I think being more honest with myself may be a good step.
I’m not worthless like my head sometimes likes to tell me I am. I do have some redeeming values like my writing skills, my sometimes good fashion sense and my attention to detail. Of course there are the bad things like my lack of social skills, excessive caution and coldness towards others.
Sometimes I wonder about these negative traits. We hear the common phrase of “be yourself” in what feels like excess, but what is that in reference to? For any sort of success, it is needed to change yourself. For example, as someone who is shy and quiet, I have to overcome that and become amicable and confident if I ever wish to have a real career. With my antisocial tendencies, I have to grow to live with the discomfort and draining nature of social interactions if I don’t want to be alone all the time. I also find difficulty in defining what “myself” is. That requires a level of self-awareness that I just don’t think is possible.
Basically, I get sad sometimes and want to get over that by being real with myself. A part of that is realizing that I’m not perfect and can’t just live with “being myself” because that advice feels complacent in a way.