The title and content of this post is inspired by this slam poem all about making decisions and how difficult it is. Our poet gives one example in particular of answering the question, “do you want fries with that?” She says yes, then no, and realizes that she wanted them but doesn’t want to look stupid and goes fryless.
I relate to this immensely. If you were to ask me where I wanted to eat or what movie I wanted to watch, 9 times out 10 you are not getting an answer. Making a decision is one of the most difficult things in the world and when I do make them, I usually regret them or keep thinking about the alternative. So, what happens a lot is that I end up not making a decision and letting the world or a friend decide for me. It’s really unfortunate figuring out what you want after you already got what you didn’t want. For Michelle MacLeod, that’s not getting fries when she wanted fries. For me, it’s eating at that restaurant I hate or watching that movie I don’t really want to see.
I reflect a lot on things I need to improve about myself and there’s not a single thing that shows up more than my inability to make decisions. Each and every day I’m faced with at least one decision that I have to make and struggle with intensely. Every time I go out to eat with my parents, I’m the one who has to decide because I’m the pickiest eater so every meal outside is a huge struggle. At this point, I’m starting to think I may keep a coin on me at all times just to make decisions easier when picking between two things. However, when I finally do make a decision, I commit to it with an intense stubbornness. Since I put so much effort into making that decision, I put 100% of me behind it.
With this poem, a glaring personality flaw of mine has come to light and I acknowledge that I need to fix it and aim to do it. The closing line has something to do with the fact that “maybe [she’s] not good enough,” which I don’t think is true of her or me. I am good enough and I can get better.