Day 30: Disappointment

I was going to try to do my analysis posts like every day for a little bit, but I’m gonna be really busy this week so I may do a few days worth, but they won’t be every day for sure. I’ll put that on hold to when I have more time to spare. I hope that doesn’t disappoint you.

Disappointment is a feeling that I also tend to have with great frequency, just like frustration. Disappointment can come from anywhere and any time. Just today, I found myself disappointed when I listened to the latest Tallest Man on Earth Album Dark Bird is Home due to its departure from his skeletal production and inclusion of excessive instruments that seemed out of place and pushed me away from the vocals and guitar that I had grown to love. There’s disappointment in tests, in friendships and worst of all, the disappointment that other people have in you that makes wanna crawl in a hole and disappear.

I get disappointed quite a lot, though less than I used to because I was disappointed in myself for getting disappointed too much. The main issue is that disappointment stems from having too many expectations and giving myself less expectations in terms of everything I did was the only way for me to reduce the amount of disappointment.

This was most effective in my college decisions. When applying to places with exorbitantly low acceptance rates, I would fall in love with each college while researching how to write each essay. However, I constantly reminded myself that there was little chance that I would get in and having any sort of expectations that I wasn’t just going to the local state school was foolhardy. And it worked! When I faced many letters starting with “We regret to inform you,” I was disheartened and hurt for a little bit, but was able to move past it quite quickly. At the same time, this goes against what people say to aim high and shoot for the stars. When you lower your expectations, do you lower your ambitions?

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