I have this enormous fear of being wrong. For some reason or another, being wrong is one of the worst things that someone can be. I’m not sure why this is. I don’t have some traumatic story of being called out for being wrong in front of the whole class one day in 2nd grade or anything of the sort. Yet, things like this are often inexplicable.
I’ve become better, but I’ve always been afraid to speak about anything I wasn’t completely certain about. I’ve reduced it a little bit, but when talking about nearly any subject, you’ll hear me end most statements with an “I don’t know” or “I think,” unnecessary qualifiers that distance me from that potentially incorrect information. My fear is so bad that I will almost always look something up that I am completely sure of before mentioning it in conversation or in a text or a blog post. A lot of my posts are littered with links that back up everything I’m saying so I’m super certain and even if I am wrong, I do have something behind me.
I’ve been working on this for a while, and can now fake confidence about things I’m not sure about, which helps in conversation but still feels so wrong internally. However, in writing things on the internet, I’m still very far from being able to do the same. With the complexity of every important topic on the internet and the great number of dissidents, talking about any topics that aren’t clearly based on personal musings and opinions is a horrifying prospect. So, if you ever wondered why I pretty much only talk about myself and what I think about things, this is why. I don’t want to talk about politics or sports or economics because I simply don’t have confidence in my amount of knowledge and don’t want to be wrong.